How to Read a Man

I know this sounds like an impossibility.  Men are incomprehensible.  Men only understand what women say about 60% of the time and sometimes less than that.  WAY less.  Men don't know how to talk to women without pushing the wrong buttons which then causes a fight or the silent treatment, and then men don't understand what they did to cause it!  But women can understand.

Some men are great at talking about how they feel, what they want.  Some men know how to listen to a woman and understand what she's saying.  But a lot of men don't.  WE are incomprehensible to them.  WE completely misunderstood what they said.  WE get mad or get our feelings hurt over nothing.  Most men will never understand.

Forget Mars and Venus.  Men and Women are not from different planets.  Men and Women aren't different species.  Men are not less -- or more -- evolved than Women.  We're just different.  Here is my theory on why, and what women can do to read men a little better.

Women are "emotional" creatures.  I don't mean we are completely illogical and let our emotions rule our every word and deed.  But you have to admit, a man gets through to us more quickly, more completely when he appeals to our emotions.  Flowers and other gifts appeal to our romantic emotions.  Affection appeals to our comforting emotions.  Listening to our problems (without trying to "fix" them) appeals to our need to rid ourselves of excess emotion.  And saying "I love you" appeals to our loving emotions.  We ARE emotional creatures.

Men aren't.  They are logical creatures.  That doesn't mean they are without emotions.  They feel just like we do, just maybe not as strongly in some situations.  But watch a dad at his kid's football game or other athletic event and see how UNemotional he stays!  Or watch his face when you present your child to him for the first time.  My husband, the typical stoic male, was completely overwhelmed at the birth of our sons.  I remember his face was filled with awe.  He actually could not speak.  He took one finger and ran it down our son's chest and you could see the amazement on his face that this little perfect baby had come from US.  He couldn't hide his emotions that day.  And I personally treasure that memory.

But men like logic.  If we tell them a problem, they are designed to want to fix it.  Flowers and other gifts are meaningless to them really.  Men are creatures of "action" so sitting and listening and talking just isn't in their makeup.  They like to DO.  They cut the grass.  They take out the garbage.  They go to work.  They don't do any of those things for themselves.  They do it for US.  They do things for us as their way of taking care of us, and to them, that is showing love.

So the next time you wonder if your husband really loves you, if he even "sees" you, look around.  Stop and think about everything he does.  I bet the list is longer than you think.  Don't think about the last time he "gazed lovingly into your eyes."  Think about when he worked extra hours to bring home a little more money.  Don't try to remember the last time he said, "I love you."  Remember the last time he gathered up the garbage without you asking.

That is how you read a man -- by his Actions.  When it comes to men, Actions really do speak louder than words.

Real Men

Maybe the media is right.  I've rarely ever considered that idea, but the old saying about 100 monkeys with 100 typewriters in 100 years could produce Shakespeare comes to mind.  Maybe television is right.

I watched one of my favorite shows last night, Drop Dead Diva.  On it, the main character tried to get one of her friends to take out her love interest to cheer him up, and in the process "learn how to be more of a guy."  Her examples were asking him if he had ever changed a tire, knew anything about sports, etc.  His answer was "No" which was funny, but it made me think.  Other shows have brought up the same question to my mind.  What DOES it mean to "be a guy."

My husband reads a blog called The Art of Manliness.  This is actually a really cool blog.  It talks about how to sharpen a tools, good sportsmanship, how a man should decorate a room (A room, not a house), and even love.  He actually gives good advice (in my opinion).  I couldn't find the writer's name, but he seems devoted to turning males into "men."  Practical applications such as sharpening tools my husband still does, but I don't know many other men who do.  And love.  This is not a topic for which most men will even stay in the room to listen!  But this writer gives a .... well, "manly" view of how to keep real romantic love alive in a relationship.  I like him.

I remember growing up, a real MAN was tall, dark, rugged.  He could hold his wife with one arm while lifting the bumper of a car off the ground with the other.  He was debonair like James Bond.  He was rugged like a lumberjack.  He was charming like Rhett Butler.  He was sweet like Clark Kent.  He was strong like Superman.  He was smart, elegant, dashing, handsome, powerful, larger than life.  He looked just as comfortable in a tuxedo as he did in bluejeans.  Do you ladies remember him?  He was Sean Connery, Tom Selleck, Christopher Reeve, John Schneider, Lee Horsley.....I could go on, but those were my picks.  Who were yours?

But then I grew up.  I looked for other qualities in a man.  Oh, I still wanted those, but I also wanted humor, sensitivity, compassion.  I wanted a friend to listen to me at night.  I wanted a lover to sweep me off my feet one night, and seduce me the next.  I wanted a REAL man, not a real MAN.  I still wanted him perfect, of course, but I wanted him perfect for me.  And some qualities can be given up for others.  A man doesn't have to be dashing or debonair, if he's compassionate and understanding.  He doesn't have to be a perfect physical specimen of man if he is attractive to me.  He doesn't have to be powerful if he's strong enough to lead my family.  He doesn't have to be genius, as long as he's smart enough to have a conversation with me.

I didn't want Tim Taylor saying, "Arrr, Arr, Arr." {shudder}
I didn't want Tarzan beating his chest. {eyes rolling}
I didn't want Anthony DiNozzo. {no time for aging frat boys}

All in all, I think I got the whole package.  My husband is stubborn, polite, willful, funny, compassionate, understanding, hard headed, smart, dashing, handsome, a little overweight, elegant, tall, dark, handsome,and.......mine.  He's perfect for me.  He is a REAL MAN.  He's a gentleman and a country boy.  He's at home in dress shoes, boots, or barefoot.  He's responsible and playful.  And he takes care of me and our kids.

And he can change a tire.  :-)

I want our boys to be just like him.  And that is really the point, isn't it.