Teaching Children

As I'm sure I've posted before, manners are important to me.  I was raised to show respect and behave with manners in all situations.  You say "sir" and "ma'am" and "please," "thank you," and "excuse me."  You ALWAYS, and I mean ALWAYS address people with respect.  My husband and I are doing our best to instill this in our children.  They have lapses:  responding with "what?" when called; answering "yeah" when asked a question; but generally, they behave well -- especially when they are AWAY from us.

(Why do kids behave better away from parents?  But, if they are going to act up, I would rather it be with me, than with other people!  Anyway, I stray)

Which is why I was stunned when Z came home from school yesterday on Orange for being "disrespectful to another teacher."  What?  Z?  Oh, no!  I never did get the details, but I know he disobeyed a teacher, and continued to ignore instructions from said teacher.  Now I cannot allow this behavior.

Z got four licks with the paint stick.  Good licks.  Attention-getting licks.  I also made him write sentences since he said he didn't know the teacher's name and couldn't write an apology letter.  (He disrespected a teacher he doesn't even know?!?!?  The news just gets worse!)  I told him to write "I'm sorry I was disrespectful to you." on every other line of the front page of a piece of paper.  (The funny part is he evidently didn't know what "every other" meant, so he wrote the sentence down two-thirds of the page, but that's okay with me.  It helped send the message home. )  I also told him if he saw that teacher today, to apologize to her in person.  Maybe a little humility will help, too.

And then I wrote a note to his teacher detailing his punishment.  I want to make sure she know that this behavior will NOT be tolerated.  Not by me or my husband.  He is taught better.  He knows better.

All of the above was fine, right?  Necessary, right?  I am responsible for teaching my children right from wrong.  I am responsible for doling out punishment when they misbehave so that they know their actions have consequences.  Rewards and Punishments are part of teaching.  Right?

So why did I spend the next two hours trying not to cry because I had to spank my child?  Why did it upset me so much?  Part of it was disappointment, I know.  I thought we were past this part with Z.  I thought he had already learned this lesson.  Actually, I know he has.  So why did he behave so badly?  Why was he disrespectful toward an adult?  A teacher?  And why did I fight back tears?  I guess because I don't like punishing him.  He is a good boy.  He is a fine young man.  Most of the time.

Well, he got his reminder to behave himself, be polite, show respect.  And Mom got a reminder on what it's like to punish the kids since Dad's out of town and he normally does that.  I didn't much like it.  But I'm pretty sure Z didn't like it much either.  So we both learned something.  At least, I did.  I hope Z did, because I really don't want to do that again.

*sigh* Being a responsible parent really stinks sometimes!

Born in the Wrong Century?

My husband actually gave me the idea for this one, so.....Thanks J.

We were talking the other day about this and that and the subject came up about how much the world has changed.  It seems like every day I see someone posting on FaceBook about "when I was young we drank out of a garden hose, came home when mom yelled from the porch, got our tails whacked if we failed to use manners...." you get the idea.  Nostalgia is a wonderful thing.

I remember all of that.  And my number one complaint of something that seems to have departed our new world (and a very early death in my opinion) is good manners.  So many children these days, and adults too for that matter) have none.  They don't say "please" or "thank you" or "excuse me".  They speak to their parents and other adults in a disrespectful, hateful tone of voice that I would have been backhanded across the room for using.  It bugs me.  I want to pop them all on the butt (adults included) and tell them to "Mind Your Manners!"  I realize (obviously) that I am in a minority, but still.  Common courtesy isn't so common anymore.

Another thing is some women a few years ago killed chivalry.  They beat it to near death and then suffocated it.  Don't get me wrong, I'm all for equal pay for equal work, but I love it when a man opens a door for me.  And other than my husband, most men don't so that I am pleasantly surprised when it happens.  And I ALWAYS say "Thank you" to them.  I believe in positive reinforcement.

I'm also in the minority in that I don't believe a woman has any place in certain jobs.  A woman has no business being in a combat position - men raised right are too busy trying to protect her than do their own jobs.  A woman has no business being a firefighter, or other dangerous, labor-intensive jobs.  Most of us just don't have the muscle for such things.  Besides, we know we're really the brains of the two sexes, so, Hey, let Men do all the work, and we'll tell them how to do it!  Why did we give up such a good deal?

Another saying on FB lately is "The sexes will never be equal til a woman can walk around with a beer belly and still think she's sexy."  I have to point out that only WOMEN see that as UN-sexy and, frankly, repulsive.  Proof again that we are the brains.  Let them be the brawn.  And we'll remind them to don shirts in public.

I miss the old days.  Teachers aren't allowed to spank kids anymore.  They will at my oldest son's school (thankfully), but I have put my permission in writing and begged them at my youngest son's preschool to at least swat him on the rear when he acts up.  That was 2 years, two directors, three headmasters, and four teachers ago and it still hasn't happened.  *sigh*  It's much harder for me to punish him at home for something he did four hours previously.  I remember being swatted by the closest adult - teacher, family member, parent, or even preacher - if I acted up.  My arm is tired, folks, STEP UP!

Anyway, this is my soapbox.  I could go on, and on, and on.......but I won't.  I'll stop.  This whole subject was discussed between my husband and me and I made the mistake of saying I was born in the wrong century.  Manners aside, my husband convinced me I was wrong with 4 words:  "air conditioning" and "indoor plumbing."

Enough said.  I concede defeat.
He was right and I was wrong.
(Put that in the record book, DH, I put it in writing that you were right.)

I was born in the barely-still-1960s right where I should have been.  Thank you, God, for my a/c, my indoor toilet, hot water, microwave, and television sets.  But would you help my kids learn manners?  I'm trying my best, but they're a mite stubborn.  And, no, sir, I really don't want to discuss which parent might have passed along that personality trait to them.......but if you insist, it was my husband.   :-D

The Beginning

This is my first post, so please bear with me.  I don't really know what I'm doing, but I have no doubt I will end up treating this as a "Dear Diary" letter.  Though I do hope to remember that someone might actually read something I post.

First of all, if someone IS reading this, well, Thank You.  I never really expected anyone to be interested enough in my life to check out a blog I might write.  If you change your mind now about reading this, I understand completely, though I hope you'll read on a little longer.

Second of all, be warned.   I will probably brag on my children, invite you to laugh at my children and me, or (on my more insightful days) make you think.  Sometimes I have philosophical days.  Sometimes I just want someone to laugh with me (even if it's AT me).  Sometimes I want someone to cry with me.

Lastly, please be nice.  If you disagree with something I post, you are entitled to your opinion.  I'm not right all the time, but my opinions are mine and I am entitled to them.  Don't make nasty comments to me, or to other commentators. This forum is rather public, and everyone should have manners.

Thank you in advance.