Knowing All of the Answers

I remember when I was young (yes, a veeeerrrryyyyyy long time ago), I thought my parents had all of the answers.  They knew why the sky was blue.  The knew what we were having for dinner.  They knew why my little sister was so annoying.  They knew how Santa could travel the earth in one night.  They knew the going rate the tooth fairy paid for a front tooth vs a molar.  They knew everything.  They were the smartest people on earth.

I decided then (with the wisdom of a child) that 30 was the magic age.  When I turned 30, I would know all of the answers.  I would be wise, beautiful, confident, and successful.  When I was 30, my world would be perfect.

Guess what?  I was wrong.

Now, on the other side of 40, I admit that not only do I NOT have all of the answers, I don't even know where to look for most of them.  Some answers just can't be found in the dictionary, or in encyclopedias (yes, I am that old), or even *gasp*shudder* on the internet.

I'm not perfect.  I'm not even close.  I'm not smart.  I'm not beautiful.  I'm not confident.  I still feel insecure and afraid.  I am still as socially awkward now as I was in high school (though, Thank You, God, for helping me to survive That Horror!).  I still have trouble remembering that sometimes it is best to remain quiet.  I still can't think of the "right" thing to say in difficult situations.  I can't kiss my kids boo-boos better and I can't protect them from life's little agonies.  I can't even comfort my husband when life throws him a curve.  I can't take care of my mother like I wish I could.  I feel completely inadequate as a Daughter, as a Wife, as Mother, even as a Woman.

But sometimes, I get close to being perfect.  I can change light bulbs for my mother and change the sheets on her bed.  I can rock my little boy to sleep sometimes even at the age of 5. I can still tell my boys how proud I am of them and all they accomplish.  I can hold my husband's hand, look him in the eye and honestly tell him that I love him, and that I believe in him, and know that he believes me even if he doesn't believe in himself.

So while, I'm still not wise, or beautiful, or confident, I think I am successful.  I'm happy with my life.  I don't have a high-powered job and money is still tight, but I don't need those things.  I have a husband I love that loves me, and my kids still (mostly) think I'm perfect.  Those are the criteria by which I judge my success.  And when I feel inadequate and awkward and helpless, I try to remember to remind myself of those things.  Some days I'm more successful than others, but sometimes making the effort is all that matters.

As a Not-So-Strong Woman.....

My last post was about being "A Strong Woman." But this hasn't been the best month for me, so I thought I would talk about the flip side of the coin - being a "Not-So-Strong Woman.".

We have all had them. Days when nothing seemed to go right. Days that seemed to last foooooorrreveeeeeer with Nothing being accomplished. Days when the kids seemed to STAY on our last nerve, and then jump up and down on it. Days when we fought back tears all day for no apparent reason. I dare you to deny you had at least one of those days.

Sometimes there is a reason. Maybe we had a fight with our Significant Other. Maybe our child got in trouble at school. Maybe we had a car wreck. Maybe we burned supper.  Sometimes there is a reason.

But sometimes there isn't. For some reason, we just can't be cheerful. We can't laugh.  Everything seems to be going wrong. We snap at our Significant Other. We lose our patience with our kids. We lose our temper at work. And we don't know why.

Reason or no, we feel . . . Not-So-Strong. But we keep going. We may take a time-out for ourselves and try to get ourselves together, but we come back. We push on through even if there is no fight left in us. We are Not-So-Strong, but we keep on doing what has to be done.

We are Women. There is no other choice for us.

We are Women.  We keep going. Like the Energizer Bunny, we keep going.

We are Women. We ignore our weakness. No, we find Strength in our weakness.

We are Women. We are Strong even when we are Not-So-Strong.

We Are Women.

But Men, when you see your woman feeling Not-So-Strong (and you may really have to pay attention to tell because we're good at hiding those things), be there for us.  Don't try to "fix" us, for sometimes we can't be "fixed," we can only be mended with time.  Instead, Help us.  Hug us.  Hold us.  Appreciate us.  Love us.

Sometimes, a helping hand that we aren't expecting can do wonders.  Sometimes, a quick hug can energize us.  Sometimes, holding us for a few moments (and maybe let us shed a few silent tears) can mean the world to us.  Sometimes, a simple "Thank You" can revive us.  Sometimes, a heartfelt "I Love You" can work miracles.

We Are Women. . . . but we aren't always quite so strong.

As a Strong Woman.......

We Women feel the need to be strong.  We have to be.  There is so much we must do, so much we are for which we are held responsible (by ourselves if no one else does), so little time for all we need to get done.  Sometimes it's too much.  Sometimes we would like to be weak, just for a moment....we want to give in to the pressure and collapse, just for a moment.......but then who would pick up our load and carry on?

So we're strong.  We do what must be done.  In some ways -- emotional ways, mental ways -- we can be as strong as men, stronger than some, because we must be.  Our loads force us to be.  We wake up in the morning; we do this here, and we go there, we take care of this, and we handle that, and finally we will go to sleep and dream of things yet to be done.  Like the old adage, "A woman's work is never done."  And it is true.  Whether you or young or not so young, a working woman or housewife, working mother or stay-at-home-mommy, whether your children are infants, toddlers, school-aged, teenagers, or grown and gone, the chores are endless.

The chores are endless.......and so is the worry about what has to be done, the stress of deciding how those chores will get done, the feelings of inadequacy when they don't get done.  A vicious cycle we women suffer every day.  Most days, however, we're fine.  This is our life and we are content with it; Happy even.  But occasionally......

To me, and to most women I believe, if someone takes to time to actually "see" us, and realize we're NOT okay, the support for that moment is overwhelming.....and it can give us the strength to go on, to continue doing what must be done.  It repletes what we have exhausted, the one resource we need above almost all others.

So the next time you see a woman working seemingly tirelessly, non-stop, whether she is getting a lot accomplished or appearing to go nowhere, stop and LOOK at her, "see" her, and if she needs a hug, give her one.  Sometimes a hug can do wonders.  An acknowledgement of how much she has accomplished can lift flagging spirits.  Words of appreciation and thanks spoken from the heart of a loved one can bring joy.  All three can work miracles.

Know that your women (daughter, wife, mother, friend) is STRONG.  She deals with things every day that you know nothing about.  She probably has scars she doesn't want to burden you with when they hurt her.  Believe in her.  Support her.  And when she feels weak, hold her.  Love her.  Let her be weak for a moment.  Tell her that it's Okay to let go.You will see a stronger woman emerge from your embrace.  And a greater bond will have developed between the two of you for sharing that moment.

SuperMom & SuperWife or SuperWoman

"A real woman always keeps her house clean & organized, the laundry basket is always empty. She's always well dressed, hair done. She never swears, she behaves gracefully in all situations & all circumstances. She has more than enough patience to take care of her family, always has a smile on her lips, & a kind word for everyone. Post this as your status if you, too, have just realized that you might be a man."


I saw this on FaceBook the other day and thought it was so funny (and true) that I put it as my status to give other ladies a few giggles, too.  And it worked GREAT!  Most women can really relate to this.  There is always SO MUCH to do that it rarely (if ever) actually is all completed at the same time.  Seriously, how many women have the housework all done, the house looking immaculate, dinner on the table, and a smile perpetually on their face?  Let's face it.  June Cleaver we are NOT.


Then my husband ruined all of our fun with one comment.  "Someone pointed out to me that this woman is straight out of Proverbs. Kinda puts a different light on it huh?"  


My first thought was, "Spoilsport!"  


My second thought was, "OH GREAT!  One more way I'm failing God."  


I don't know about y'all, but I constantly feel like a failure.  To my husband, to my kids, to my boss, to my self, and to God.  It's a rare day when I DON'T feel ineffectual, inadequate, unworthy, and/or like a major screw up.  We go to church, we believe (at least I hope you do), we have faith (even though we sometime struggle with this), but in the end, how many of us Really Believe we are succeeding at being what God wants us to be.


"I Know I'm SOMEBODY, 'cause God don't make no junk!"  Remember that?  I do.  It was great when I was a kid, but now as an adult, it's a little harder.  On the surface, I say, well of course He doesn't.  But then I apply that statement to myself, and .......Whoops!  What. Have.  I.  Done?!?  Anybody else ever feel that way?


I'm divided.  I want to be what God wants me to be, but I can't be.  I'm not perfect.  I'm so far away from perfect it's like a train wreck in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean -- Impossible.  I could probably do a lot better on the housework and laundry.  Okay.  I DEFINITELY could do better on the housework and laundry.  But behaving "gracefully in all situations & circumstances" just isn't in me.  I have no tact.  No diplomacy.  Patience?  Not really.  I can work on that.  "A kind word for everyone" is sooooooo not me.  I admit it.  Some people just irritate me to the point that it's either walk away, or go to jail for assault.  I do NOT handle stupidity very well.  Okay. I do not handle stupidity with patience or kind words.  


Yes, I'm not the woman of the Bible.  I can aspire to be a better daughter, wife, mother, Woman.....and I will try.  But I'm also learning to be happy with who I am.  After all, God made me and "God don't make no junk."  So maybe He's okay with me being a sarcastic, pushy, occasionally overbearing, overprotective control-freak.  And maybe He will help me smooth out these rough edges on this old piece of coal.  I'm not expecting to turn into a diamond overnight -- or at all, really.  And I'm not expecting the laundry to miraculously be washed, dried, ironed, and folded.....but maybe He will help me find all the hours in the day I need, assistance to get it all done, and the ability to ask for and accept said assistance.


I'm not SuperMom.  I'm not SuperWife.  I'm certainly not SuperWoman.  But with God's help, maybe I can be good enough, even if I'm not perfect.