Love & Romance: For Women

A few weeks ago, my friend Rosie blogged about the 5 Love Languages and this got me thinking (dangerous, I know).  For those of you that don't know, I will list the 5 Languages here, and I've embedded the link if you want more information.  Basically, it says that people don't always communicate the same, and to minimize misunderstandings, it helps if people can recognize the other languages in case that is what their partner is speaking.  The 5 Languages are:

1.  Words of Affirmation
2.  Quality Time
3.  Receiving Gifts
4.  Acts of Service
5.  Physical Touch

This really does help.  For instance, my languages are more 1, 2, and 5.  I need words of affirmation, encouragement, love.  Most women do.  We are vulnerable creatures and we need that positive reinforcement.  I need quality time.  My husband has an irregular work schedule, so quality time is important when he can't always devote the time.  And physical touch?  I love to hold hands.  I love for my husband to put his arm around me in public.  Just the little touches that can say to me, "You're special.  I want the world to know you belong to me."

Men (or at least MY husband - yours may be different) tend to speak more 3 and 4.  I get little cards, flowers for no reason, and sometimes maybe he'll buy me that book I've been wanting.  These are all special and the definitely make me smile.  This is the language that is easy to interpret, assuming the gifts are given with the appropriate attitude.  Throwing a jewelry box on the vanity as a man walks by a woman will not earn him very many brownie points.

But 4 is the language my husband really speaks.  And I have to constantly remind myself of that.  He cuts the grass, takes out the garbage, gets the boys ready for school in the morning, and a myriad of other little things. To him these are Acts of Service he does out of love for me and our family.  To me, these things are chores.  To him, they are the deepest expression of how important he thinks we are.

So this weekend, I think I'll try to speak HIS language.  I'll clean the house, wash the laundry, and I'll even dust (which is a chore I detest above all others).  I will scrub the bathroom fixtures and bleach the kitchen counter.  I will perform Acts of Service to show HIM that I love him.

And then, I will look out the window and see him cutting grass (with a sinus infection), and it will warm my heart that he is doing that just for me.

Remember, we not only have to speak the Language of Love, but we have to hear it when it is spoken to us.  Sometimes you hear the most in the silence.

As a Wife.....

Today's blog is from the perspective of "Wife."  A friend, Hello Rosie posted her blog this morning about the 5 Love Languages. (if you don't know what they are, please look them up.  You'll be glad you did.)  This, of course, got me thinking.  My husband and I don't speak the same Love Language.  Mine is Words of Affirmation with a close second being Physical Touch.  His, on the other hand, is Acts of Service.  This can lead to miscommunication.

For example, the other night, my husband and I had.........well, an unpleasant conversation.  Not a fight, but there was certainly no laughter in the room.  Sometimes it's the language we speak, the language we hear, or sometimes, it's just the timing.  The conversation left what I'm going to call a marriage bruise.  You know what those are.  Feelings were hurt, you're both scared to touch the subject again because it's still sore (like a bruise), but it will go away (like a bruise).  Eventually.  How long it takes depends on the size of the bruise.  Hopefully, this one is just a small one and will disappear quickly.  Not one of those that turns all the beautiful colors of the rainbow and HURTS for a looooooooong time.

But as my friend reminded me with her post, maybe I should look back over the last little while (translation: months) and remember everything he has done FOR me and try to forget what he hasn't verbalized.  Like a man, he can stick his foot in his mouth.  And like a woman (see? I can be fair), sometimes I don't hear what is said.  I hear a different version that may not match what he meant.  Then, maybe, I should try to speak HIS language instead of always expecting him to speak mine.

So, this blog is about a wife.  But about a wife apologizing to her husband for not being the wife she should be.  He really is a great guy.  I don't always give him the credit due him, and for that I am also sorry.  He isn't perfect, but he's mine, and I love him.  More than he can possibly understand, and more than he will ever know.  I know it's cliched, but he really is my soul-mate.  And it hurts horribly when things are....discordant...between us.