It seems everyone has a blog these days. Not that I'm giving in to the "norm." I just want to have a place that is mine. These are my thoughts, my opinions, my hopes, my dreams, my fears. I am a Daughter. I am a Wife. I am a Mother. But above all, I am a WOMAN.

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Friday, June 24, 2011

As a (Step) Mother...

Wow......I never thought I would be a step-mother.  This is difficult.  When I had my boys, I knew they would love me.  I mean, they HAVE TO love me, right?  I AM their mother.  They came and I held them, rocked them, loved them.  They were beautiful.  I loved them and they loved me.

Then, one year ago, we found out they have a sister.  She's now about to turn twelve.  Hard age for her.  Difficult situation for us both.  She is SO incredible.  She's taller than I am, with beautiful wavy dark hair.  She's smart, sweet, funny....she is all the things I fell in love with in her dad.  She looks just like him.  Well, a softer, prettier feminine version of him.  She has a beautiful smile.  She's everything I ever wanted in a daughter.  And she belongs to someone else.

She and her dad bonded instantly.  Same with the boys.  They took to her like baseball and toy trucks and water guns.  She is their sister.  They are her brothers.  But what I am?

I have nightmares of Snow White and Cinderella and pray she doesn't see me like that.  Her mother is still very much in the picture -- she has custody -- and has done a wonderful job raising her.  But where do I fit?  Is she afraid to love me because she doesn't want to hurt her mom?  Does she secretly hope her parents will get back together?  Am I the interloper in her dreams of a happy family?  I always feel a little lost around her.  I hope she doesn't feel that way around me.

And what do I do?  I can't force myself into her heart.  I won't.  I love her already.  I want to consider her as a daughter.  I want her to consider me as a second mom.  I don't want to replace her mom.  I wouldn't even want to try.  I just want her to let me love her.

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