Tomorrow my baby turns 6. Now for most of you, that doesn't sound bad, and I know you're sitting there asking yourself what the big deal is? Well, here's the big deal.
My husband and I had a late start -- entirely HIS fault, of course. We didn't get married until the week before I turned 30 -- again, entirely HIS fault as I had chased him shamelessly for 15 years and he was just too oblivious to notice! We enjoyed a couple of years of just us (so that I could enjoy FINALLY having tripped, caught, and hog-tied him so he couldn't escape). Then we decided to have kids. (Sometimes, I wonder about the wisdom of THAT decision, but that's another story. J/K....mostly)
Our eldest little demon-darling came along when I was 34. Not too bad. We were old enough to have a little more patience and not be quite so freaked out about having this little human completely dependent on us for whom we were completely clueless about what to do.
Then the baby came along. Our little goofy darling-demon. I was 37. How I went from MORE patient and a little freaked, to LESS patient and MORE freaked doesn't exactly make sense. After all, I was older and more experienced. But all of sudden, I realized that I was OLD. Old enough to be M's grandmother. ARRGGGHHHHH!!! How did this happen??!!??!! Again, it was all my husband's fault. If he had paid a little more attention, and been a little less oblivious, I could have caught him 15 years earlier and our little demon-darling and darling-demon would be almost out of the house. I would have soon been holding actual GRANDchildren, instead of my own child.
Now, I'm 43. My oldest will turn 9 next month. And the baby is turning 6 tomorrow. And I'm OLD. I feel old. I act old. I feel too old to play with my boys. Granted, they are boys and play rough. And no matter how often their father (bless his heart) tells them, "Girls break easy. Play gently with Mom," boys can only play one way -- all out. *Sigh*
The "Now" I Can Appreciate:
1. I can still wrestle with the baby a little though. But at his age, I see the end of that approaching rapidly.
2. He still falls asleep in my arms sometimes. His brother had stopped doing this by age 3, so every time M does this, I hold the memory in my heart, and hold him until my arm goes dead and can't support him anymore.
3. He still gives me hugs and kisses in public. His brother had also stopped this by age 3, because "People might SEE, MOM!" Since M has continued to do this, I have hope that this will continue. (Please, God, let it continue.)
4. He still wants me to sit beside me when we go to restaurants.
5. He still wants to be on MY team when we play the Wii.
6. He still wants to sit by me when we have Movie Night at home.
The Future I Can See:
1. He has NOTHING to do with me, because I'm "Mom."
2. He refuses to acknowledge my existence in front of his friends.
3. He assumes (probably correctly in most instances) that I am clueless about what his life is like.
4. He realizes that I can no longer help him with his homework because his textbooks are written in Greek as far as I'm concerned.
5. He suddenly realizes that I am a GIRL!! Yuck!
The Future I HOPE & PRAY for:
1. He realizes that I'm not an idiot.
2. He actually wants my approval and respect.
3. He is no longer in a hormone-induced idiot fugue.
4. He again gives me hugs and kisses no matter who is watching.
5. He gives me grandchildren I can spoil and regard as Revenge for all he put me through as a teenager.
Now do you realize why my baby turning 6 is a big deal? I can still remember the little guy we brought home from the hospital, yet I can see the teenager he will become. I see the polite young man my husband and I are trying to raise, and I can see the gentleman he will become. I see the mischievous imp that is so much like me that I cry, yet I see the smart-aleck teenager that I'm going to want to beat into a bloody pulp in just a few years.
I see the past, the present, and the future all at the same time. I want to cry, and celebrate all at the same time. I have regrets for things I did wrong with him, and good intentions for the future. I have memories and plans.
Pray for him, and pray for me. My sweet baby is about to turn into a sweet young man, just before he morphs into a moody pre-teen, then into a monster Teenager.
But for now, I'm focusing on my baby boy that will be 6 tomorrow. I'm going to focus on the smiles, and laughs, and all the good points. I'm going to think about the snips and puppy-dog tails, and not the snails that are all what little boys are made of.
It seems everyone has a blog these days. Not that I'm giving in to the "norm." I just want to have a place that is mine. These are my thoughts, my opinions, my hopes, my dreams, my fears. I am a Daughter. I am a Wife. I am a Mother. But above all, I am a WOMAN.
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