It seems everyone has a blog these days. Not that I'm giving in to the "norm." I just want to have a place that is mine. These are my thoughts, my opinions, my hopes, my dreams, my fears. I am a Daughter. I am a Wife. I am a Mother. But above all, I am a WOMAN.

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Tuesday, September 27, 2011

How to Read a Man

I know this sounds like an impossibility.  Men are incomprehensible.  Men only understand what women say about 60% of the time and sometimes less than that.  WAY less.  Men don't know how to talk to women without pushing the wrong buttons which then causes a fight or the silent treatment, and then men don't understand what they did to cause it!  But women can understand.

Some men are great at talking about how they feel, what they want.  Some men know how to listen to a woman and understand what she's saying.  But a lot of men don't.  WE are incomprehensible to them.  WE completely misunderstood what they said.  WE get mad or get our feelings hurt over nothing.  Most men will never understand.

Forget Mars and Venus.  Men and Women are not from different planets.  Men and Women aren't different species.  Men are not less -- or more -- evolved than Women.  We're just different.  Here is my theory on why, and what women can do to read men a little better.

Women are "emotional" creatures.  I don't mean we are completely illogical and let our emotions rule our every word and deed.  But you have to admit, a man gets through to us more quickly, more completely when he appeals to our emotions.  Flowers and other gifts appeal to our romantic emotions.  Affection appeals to our comforting emotions.  Listening to our problems (without trying to "fix" them) appeals to our need to rid ourselves of excess emotion.  And saying "I love you" appeals to our loving emotions.  We ARE emotional creatures.

Men aren't.  They are logical creatures.  That doesn't mean they are without emotions.  They feel just like we do, just maybe not as strongly in some situations.  But watch a dad at his kid's football game or other athletic event and see how UNemotional he stays!  Or watch his face when you present your child to him for the first time.  My husband, the typical stoic male, was completely overwhelmed at the birth of our sons.  I remember his face was filled with awe.  He actually could not speak.  He took one finger and ran it down our son's chest and you could see the amazement on his face that this little perfect baby had come from US.  He couldn't hide his emotions that day.  And I personally treasure that memory.

But men like logic.  If we tell them a problem, they are designed to want to fix it.  Flowers and other gifts are meaningless to them really.  Men are creatures of "action" so sitting and listening and talking just isn't in their makeup.  They like to DO.  They cut the grass.  They take out the garbage.  They go to work.  They don't do any of those things for themselves.  They do it for US.  They do things for us as their way of taking care of us, and to them, that is showing love.

So the next time you wonder if your husband really loves you, if he even "sees" you, look around.  Stop and think about everything he does.  I bet the list is longer than you think.  Don't think about the last time he "gazed lovingly into your eyes."  Think about when he worked extra hours to bring home a little more money.  Don't try to remember the last time he said, "I love you."  Remember the last time he gathered up the garbage without you asking.

That is how you read a man -- by his Actions.  When it comes to men, Actions really do speak louder than words.


the observationalist NYC said...

This post is phenomenal. (Plus, as a gay man, completely side with you on your observations about the "other sex."

Angel said...

Thank you, theobservationalistNYC. We need to be reminded sometimes of how differently we think. And sometimes it's easy to not "see" the love that is right in front of us, so I hope this post serves as a reminder for us to open our eyes and see.