I Want a "Do-Over"

Anybody else want a do-over?  Remember those?  For those of you that don't, a do-over is when you mess up a little, or screw up royally (as I am wont to do), you yell (yes, YELL), "DO-OVER" and then re-do whatever it was you did wrong, hopefully getting it correct the second time around.

Well, I want a do-over.  I'm not sure what time frame though.  I've made an awful lot of mistakes.

When I graduated high school, I picked the wrong college.  WAY wrong.  Perfect example.  I came out of class one day and found my 8-year-old hatchback Ford parked between a brand new Mercedes and a brand new Jaguar.  See the problem?  But I made some contacts there that I never would have made elsewhere, so I can't quite regret that choice completely.

I quit college.  That choice I can and do regret even though I did go back (y-e-a-a-a-r-r-r-s-s-s later) and get my degree which led me to a job that I actually love.  Most days.

I married the wrong man.  A very, VERY, VERY WRONG man.  (Did you get the hint that it was not the right guy?)  I won't go into all of the reason that particular relationship was wrong, but I will say that those 4 years of marriage felt like 10.  I celebrated for 3 months when the divorce papers were signed.  But I grew up a lot in those 4 years.  I learned how to compromise.  I learned patience.  I learned fighting is futile because it changes nothing.  I learned how to pick up the pieces of my life and put them back together.  I learned to be satisfied with the little things in life.  So despite my myriad scars, I can't quite make myself regret that choice either.  Those scars made me who I am and make me appreciate the man I later married and with whom I now have two beautiful, annoying, sweet, stubborn, persistent, charming young monsters gentlemen.  And I wouldn't trade any of them for anything in the world.  Most of the time.

More immediately, I would request a do-over at 6am this morning.  I would say, "Nope.  Not getting out of bed today.  It's going to be a bad day, so I'm just going to sleep through it.  Sorry.  Go on without me."  See, these are the things that went wrong:

1.  Payroll was incorrect, so three checks needed to be re-cut.  Not as simple as it sounds.

2.  Husband and Z are going camping with the Cub Scouts tonight.  I told M it was just going to be him and me tonight, wouldn't we have fun.  His response?  "But I want to spend the night with Mamaw."  *sigh*

3.  Husband's good mood this morning lasted just about until lunch.  A little longer than most days this week, but not as long as I had hoped.

4.  My good mood evaporated last Monday and hasn't been seen since.  But at least I'm no longer grumpy.  I'm just depressed.  Much easier to live with me.  Oh, yeah.  NOBODY is living with me tonight.

5.  I just re-read what I've written so far and it's not as funny as I'd hoped.  More like depressing and sad.

I think I'll stop and get a bottle of wine on my way home.  Go home, put on my pj's, eat pizza, drink wine, take a bubble bath, read a book, go to bed early, and sleep late in the morning.  Maybe tomorrow's sunshine will make everything better.

If not, I'll ask for a do-over then.  *sigh*  Why don't I believe that's going to work.

Scabs & Scars

I have two friends having marital trouble right now.  Okay, the trouble is really over.  One is signing divorce papers in a couple weeks, and the other......well, the paperwork may not be started, but I think it's a formality.  I feel bad for them.  Really bad.

My first friend is hurting pretty bad.  She tried to work it out, but just couldn't.  The details don't matter -- and if they matter to you, that's just tough because it's HER story to tell, not mine.  I hurt for her.  She lost several friends over this.  She's trying to take care of herself, her kids, her new place, and. . . . .well, her new lifestyle.  It all changed.  It seemed like it changed in a blink.  I'm sure it felt like forever to her, but to those of us that didn't know what was going on inside her marriage (and we never really know what anyone's marriage is really like, do we?) it seemed to happen in just a couple of day.  There was a castle.  Then there was a vacant hill.  Boom!  Gone.

My other friend is NOT hurting.  That's what worries me.  She's past all of that.  When the pain stops, that's when you really know it's over.  I know from experience.  When that final straw breaks and your first reaction is to smile, it's over.  It doesn't matter what you do from there on out, it's done.  Finished.  IF they work it out (and I doubt that's going to happen) it will never be the same.  I don't think it will even be a marriage.  When the other person in the marriage loses all power to hurt you, they lose their standing.  A marriage takes two people to succeed.  When one holds all the power and the other holds none, it just won't work.

Trust is gone in both cases.  Pain or not, there are wounds -- some are just further along in the healing process.  Scabs and scars.  That is all that is left of two once good marriages.  Now four adults and three kids all have different lives.  They are different people than they were just six months ago.

And I can't do anything for them.  I'm used to trying to help my friends.  That's what friends do.  We help.  But I can't.  I can't fix this.  I can't lessen the hurt.  I can't fast forward time until everyone feels better.  Scabs and scars, and me with no band-aids.

I feel bad for all of them.  I wish I could just DO something.  But I can't.  All I have to offer is a shoulder, an ear, and hugs.  I can be supportive, and listen.  Those things seem like nothing when you're watching marriages break apart like the ground in an earthquake.  I just hope those scabs and scars cover wounds that are minimal.